Eight Questions to Ask Before Getting a Divorce

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but if you’re no longer enjoying the ups and you can’t get past the downs, your marriage is likely on the rocks. Continuing in a relationship that is tearing you apart changes your outlook on life.

There is only so much conflict people can handle before they start looking for a divorce lawyer. The divorce process is not easy, especially if children are involved, finances are to be split, and property shared. So, before you make that call to a family law or divorce attorney, you should ask yourself these eight critical questions.

Question #8 Are You Still in Love with Your Partner?

In any scuttled relationship, you must ask yourself if the following statement is true: “I’m just not in love with my spouse anymore.” Do you truly feel in your heart that you don’t want that person in your life anymore on a day-to-day basis? That you don’t want to grow old with them? That you just can’t stand being around them any longer? If you not only feel that you aren’t in love with your spouse anymore but truly despise him or her, then it’s time to jettison the marriage. However, if you have lingering feelings of love and attraction, you might want to delay putting that attorney on speed dial.

Question #7 Did You Have a True Marriage?

What defines a true marriage? The question applies to a relationship in which you were partners throughout the union. You consulted with each other on important issues, neither person had too much power or control, and you respected each other’s choices. That’s a true partnership; one where you work together to make a good life for you and your family. This is a marriage that you don’t want to easily discard.

The opposite of a true marriage is one where you may have been married, but you’ve made important decisions independently of each other or one person was the dominant decision maker. It's possible that you never combined your bank accounts or spent much time talking to each other. That’s not a true marriage—it’s just co-habitation.

Question #6 Are You Absolutely Ready or Just Making a Statement?

Threatening to get a divorce can start out as a debate point in an argument, but do you really mean it? Or is it just something to say during a fight that will cause your spouse to stop yelling? Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? This is one of those situations where mentioning it, even in jest, can make it become a reality later. Look inward to discover if, when you mention the "D" word, you are ready for it to happen. You’re not just trying to get a rise out of your spouse, are you?

Question #5 Is Your Decision Purely Emotional and in the Moment?

People sometimes make hasty decisions out of anger, sadness or frustration. If you are just reacting to one big fight, then you might just be overly emotional in that instance. Take a step back, and consider the logic of your thoughts. Reason with yourself about your marriage. Don’t just end the union based on raw emotion.

Question #4 What Are Your Goals Through a Divorce?

When deciding to get divorced, you must think seriously about your end game. How do you want things to conclude? Do you want to divide your assets fairly, or are you looking to take your spouse to the cleaners? And if you have kids, you should consider what your goals are with shared parenting because it’s not so easy having to divide time with your children.

Question #3 Are You Still Undecided About the Divorce?

If you keep going back and forth about actually going through with the divorce, then you might not be ready for it. Keep working on the marriage until you are 100% sure that you don’t want your union to continue.

Question #2 Are Your Ready for the Difficult Process and Outcome?

A divorce can be a time-consuming endeavor that costs a great deal of money. You also must fortify yourself for the difficult process ahead and prepare for the possibility of an outcome that may not be in your favor.

Question #1 Can You Go Through the Process Responsibly?

Divorce usually doesn’t happen between two mature, responsible people who are willing to work out their problems. It happens because one or both parties are completely fed up with the marriage and want out. Ask yourself if you could go through the process without spite or malice. Being mature and responsible is important especially if there are children involved.