What to Do After You've Caught Your Spouse or Partner Cheating

Finally, it’s happened! You have undeniable proof that your spouse or partner is cheating on you. It’s not a hunch or suspicion anymore. You’ve collected the evidence or met with witnesses or seen the infidelity going on with your own eyes. Though your initial reaction might be to throw your spouse’s belongings out the window, please refrain from doing so. It’s obvious that your emotions are heightened now, and you likely feel horribly sick about the whole situation. Don’t do anything that you might regret later. Take a minute to rationally think through your next steps. Behaving in a calm manner after you’ve caught your partner cheating is a hard thing to do, but it will pay off later.

Gather All Your Evidence

Depending on what evidence you found that leads you to know for certain that your spouse is cheating, have the information on hand when you talk to your spouse about the affair. If it’s in emails or text messages, print them out or take photos with your smartphone.

The most common way to discover cheating in the digital age is through messaging. It could be on social media accounts, like their Facebook or LinkedIn page, or in their emails. Or maybe you found their credit card statement that had some suspicious charges on it, such as expensive dinners for two and hotel charges. These are red flags.

If you have gone further and hired a private investigator, then that person will likely have evidence you need.

Outline in Detail What You Want to Happen

Before you get emotional and talk to your spouse, think about what you want the outcome to be. Do you want to head straight to divorce court? Or, do you want your spouse to end the affair and commit to the marriage? You must figure out if you can forgive what happened to save your marriage. If you feel that your marriage is damaged to the point of no return, let you spouse know that in the conversation. To help you stay composed, write down all your thoughts on what you see happening going forward.

It’s Better to Have a Calm Conversation

Of course, you are hurt. Maybe you are in shock about the events that have occurred. You may have long suspected infidelity and suddenly know the truth. As much as you want to sob or scream at your spouse, it’s better to stay calm. If you confront someone with an angry tone, they are less likely to be responsive in talking about the problem. It’s better to approach them in a mature manner. It’s the only chance you’ll have to resolve the situation in a responsible way.

Stick to Your Decision

If you’ve concluded that you both want to work on the marriage, then stick to it. Don't keep throwing the affair in your partner's face. If you want your marriage to survive, it’s better to forgive and move on. This is especially true if deep down you both still truly love one another. Contrarily, if you decide that divorce is your best option, it's important for everyone’s sake to stay firmly on that path.